Here are a couple more dynamics to keep in mind.
We all deal with cultural issues. Americans live differently from Asians (for example), so they make different lifestyle choices. We also show respect a bit differently. However, when you peel away all the surface layer elements just mentioned, an Asian woman and an American woman will both notice what they consider to be a hot guy when he walks by. The core attraction applies no matter the culture.
This also holds true for the differences between black, white, brown, Asian-American, Native American, European, Swedish, French, Canadian, Mexican, Jamaican, and any other culture you can think of.
Brad Pitt, Vin Diesel, J. Lo, and Angelina Jolie are all considered hot across the globe. Yet, they could all represent different cultures. However, they’ve cut through the surface layers and stir the attraction in your gut, or a lower part of the anatomy. People in every culture recognize confidence and sexiness. Those things are universal. Erogenous zones are the same world wide because the human body is the same. And, bottom line, the same body parts are used for sex and reproduction in every culture, bar none.
You have windows of opportunity to talk to attractive women. If you don’t take these windows when they are presented, you either completely miss your opportunity to start getting to know someone who could be a great person, or you must be skilled enough to create another window of opportunity.
When you are meeting and interacting with women during the day in various public places, understand that these women normally have a to-do list in their head, so they may be in a hurry. They also (usually) have not put hours into making themselves up to go out during the day. They aren’t looking to meet anyone.
As you meet these women, the pace of the interaction is different, and the comfort level between you is different from meeting them in a club or bar. Those same women will be more difficult to meet at night.
Most guys can be ready to walk out the door in minutes. With guys who really primp themselves, it takes a half hour, tops.
When women primp themselves to go out at night, they put a hell of a lot of effort into their appearance. You’re looking at one to two hours of prep time. They want the men they meet to have the same pride in their own appearance. These women also want to stand out from all of the other females they expect to be out on that given night. They fuss about their hairstyle, makeup, each article of clothing (tops, pants, shoes, tights/hose, etc.), earrings, finger rings, eyelashes, and more, all in an effort to catch your attention. So, guys, reward them for that.
What actually tends to happen is, as one special person said to me, “My girlfriends and I used to go out to look to meet someone, but eventually, you start thinking, what’s the point? You don’t meet any men of quality, any men who have standards. Even the sex isn’t satisfying, if you go that far.” Guys, time to change that dynamic.
Let me also state this:
Reading beyond this page will offend many, including those who consider themselves righteous and holy, those who consider themselves very conservative, those who refuse to think any negative thoughts, and those that can’t stand someone being blunt with them.
If you fit into one of the above categories, I still encourage you to read further. Why? Because, as uncomfortable as it might make you, you’ll still learn from what’s in this book.
I’ll be honest with you in this book. I’ll pull no punches. I’ll be straightforward and put the truth in your face. If you can stomach all that, I promise you’ll shut the back cover, after every word has been read, more enriched than you are right now.
Let's talk briefly about your mindset and a few other basics.
“This game is won or lost before you ever step out your front door.” That’s what I tell every single guy I work with.
Why is this? Because it’s all in your head. Period. It’s your mindset. It’s how you think about yourself, and what value you place on yourself in this world.
That’s the starting point. From there, you get to how others perceive you and feel about you, but that comes as a direct result of how you think about yourself.
“I thought it was all about confidence,” you say.
Yes, and that confidence comes from how you think about yourself. You have to know who you are. You have to know your strengths and weaknesses. You have to be willing to accept your weaknesses. Not “accept” in the sense of never improving them, but in the sense of not running from them. Listen, we all have weaknesses, just as we all have strengths. You’ve got to be honest about both sides of yourself, with yourself.
Being confident does not mean being invincible.
Girls pick up on your honesty about yourself and how “real” you are. They call it your vibe. Maybe you’ve heard of it.
Whether I walk into a club, bookstore, grocery store, or any other venue, I will draw attention if I choose to walk in with confidence. This is a dynamic most guys don’t understand. Believe me, though, all girls understand it. They look for those guys that walk with an air of confidence. It’s such a rare thing, and that’s why it’s so damn attractive.
This confidence is something I can feel inside me. It’s something that radiates from me.
I’ve had girls who have known me for a while watch me with other girls and say, “You were good when you met me, but now you’re just so natural. You can get any group to take you in like they’ve always known you, even if they’ve never met you.”
I’ve had bouncers, regular patrons of clubs, and people in daily life talk about what sets me apart from every other guy. I’m not the biggest or hottest, yet I draw the attention of the hottest girls. Without exception, they talk about my confidence. Even they can see and feel it.
I teach guys all the time that there is no magic pill. When you’re out, you are required to open up, to talk. You can start talking with guys or with girls, but you have to start talking, regardless.
So, you learn the art of being subtle. You take a quick glance at a girl you like, but don’t gawk at her. When you glance, you notice something you can comment on. She may be looking in disgust at someone or something. She may be wearing something interesting, in which case she’s obviously begging for someone to talk to her. She wants the attention, or she wouldn’t be wearing whatever interesting item that is. She may have a lost or lonely look on her face. Maybe she’s playing with a straw, a glass, a napkin, a ring, or something else. All of that screams that she’d like someone to talk to.
Sidebar: Females are subtle. They know all they need to know about you with such a quick glance you don’t even know they’ve looked. They see your confidence or lack of it, whether you spend a ton of money on your clothes or not (brand and style), whether you groom yourself and worry about your personal appearance (haircut, facial hair, fingernails clean), your posture, eye contact with others, the whiteness of your smile, and how comfortable you are with others. The male who can do the same thing has a definite advantage.
I’ve walked into venues and, without saying a word, passed by highly attractive females who watched me coming, slightly moved their bodies to be closer to the path I was walking, and smiled at me as I walked by. Without saying anything, they’ve noticed me come in. Their body language has shown there is a level of attraction on their part even if they haven’t consciously realized it.
Where does this attraction come from?
They can sense the confidence coming from me.
Notice, there is a huge difference between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is thinking, “I’m the shit. You can’t touch me. I do what I want, when I want, damn the rules. They don’t apply to me, period.”
Confidence is simply saying, “I know who I am. I know what my strengths and weaknesses are. I know what I have to offer to the right person. The question is, what does she have to offer me?”
Confidence is knowing what you can do and believing in yourself because you know you can do something. Confidence is being passionate about yourself and your life.
“Do you really think we should do this?” My wife, the love of my life, was sitting on the edge of our bed, shaking with sobs.
“I have no doubt we should,” I said, holding her.
“Aren’t you afraid I’ll enjoy someone else and want him more, or that I’ll fall for someone else?”
“Nope. I trust you. I do have one request, though,” I said.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“I want to be inside you again right after the other guy. I don’t want you to sleep through the night after having sex with another man, without me having been inside you.”
Sounds strange, I know, but that was my request.
“OK,” she agreed.
All right, enough of that. Let’s jump forward to the first official experience.
I lay on my back and turned my head sideways to look at my wife, who was also lying on her back. Her eyes were slightly hazed over, which was a good sign.
OK, maybe not such a good sign.
“Funny, you made a slight moan when he entered you,” I said.
“That was the thrill of having the first dick in me that wasn’t yours.”
The other couple had already walked outside to smoke. We joined them, but didn’t smoke.
“How did everybody like it?” I asked, watching J, the male, and T, the female of the other couple. “Is this something we’d all like to do again?” I was thinking yes, for my part, because some of it was fun.
“Yes,” T said without hesitation.
J took a puff off his cigarette and blew the smoke out of his lungs. “Yeah, I guess so.”
As I drove us home after a nap, Sheri filled me in on something.
“J talked to me, asked me if everything was OK,” she said.
“As in?” I asked
“He asked me if he did something wrong.”
I was silent, listening. I turned and looked at her briefly.
“He asked me if I came and if he did anything wrong, since I didn’t talk or seem to enjoy it,” Sheri said.
“And you said?”
“I told him everything was fine. I couldn’t tell him he sucked.”
“OK,” I said.
“It was pretty obvious T enjoyed herself. I heard her loud and clear, moaning, enjoying you. So I know he heard her, too,” Sheri said.
“So he’s jealous, insecure,” I said.
Incidentally, remember that one request of mine? When I brought it to Sheri’s attention, her response was simply, “I’m sorry.”
This is the type of scenario that makes men believe that women are inherently liars. I know that’s hard to stomach, but it’s also where the average guy stands. At times, it’s even where some playboys stand. And yes, the same can be said about men. This is why this book is important. I’ll shoot straight with you. Once you take this message as a whole, it will show both sexes how to love the other sex.
By the way, ladies, guys want to believe that every word that comes out of your mouth is true. Remember that. Guys want to believe you are the most precious woman in the world.
Time to take another small jump forward.
“We can do singles as well, but for every guy, I want a girl. Keep the balance.” That was my deal with my wife, since several guys were trying to get with her.
“That works for me.”
Sheri did enjoy playing with another girl. Of course, the other girl would have to be attractive. All the better for me.
There was just one catch: my wife was too shy to bring other ladies in on her own.
The guys, of course, hit on her. The ladies would, on occasion, but most ladies are too timid. Society teaches them to be that way, and my wife is no different.
So, it was left up to me to bring another girl to us. That’s OK, except for a few drawbacks.
“What drawbacks? Wouldn’t that be a dream?” you ask.
Sure, let’s see how easy it really is for the average guy with average game to go out and pick up a hot girl and, that same night, bring her back home to his wife, waiting in bed.
You see, I was that average guy.
This is where I stepped in to the world of . . . The Pick Up Artist.
This is not your typical love story. In fact, even the above-average guy wouldn’t normally have a life like this. To be honest, every time a guy said, “I want what you have,” I was very quick to tell him, “No, you don’t.”
It seems like the dream for many guys. In reality, it was a headache. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t say it was all bad, but there were many issues to deal with along the way.
When you turn the last page, you be the judge of whether this turned out for the best or not.
Let me paint you a quick picture.
Have you ever met one of those guys who always, and I mean always, has women around him? You’re jealous, maybe even disgusted as they feel him up, kiss on him, offer him their treasures. You wonder what the hell he has going for him that you don’t.
I’m that guy. The one who made you wonder.
I didn’t start there.
This particular story started when my wife and I were swinging with other couples. Yep, we were one of “those” couples. Hell, why not? We are both attractive and love sex.
Picture it, the husband looking like Brad Pitt . . . and if you believe that, I’ll sell you the Golden Gate, for the hundredth time it’s been sold. Actually, I’ve been told I resemble Bret Michaels of Poison and Johnny Depp, as odd as that combination may sound.
My wife, she’s this beautiful brunette, usually with longer hair, blue eyes when she’s happy, 5’4” or so, 160 lbs (much of which is muscle). Her breasts are about as big as I’d want on any woman: about 36C these days, 38C when we met. That’s what a few kids will do for you.
Anyway, I got fringe benefits out of the swinging.
“Sure you did! What a male thing to say. You got to have sex with other women!”
Yeah, I knew you’d say that. I admit, that was one of the benefits. But, for those whose minds immediately jumped there, here’s some food for thought. Are you ready for this point?
I got to see other men trying to please my wife. That’s right, I said it. I actually enjoyed that.
“Seriously? How could you enjoy watching another man have sex with your wife? And how could you stand to watch her enjoy having sex with another man?”
Every time she was with another man, she would appreciate being with me that much more. Hey, not all men are great lovers, which is a fact I enjoyed very much. See, I’m not such a block head after all.
Sidebar: The woman appreciating the man is a good thing. The man appreciating the woman is also a good thing. In fact, as a man, you should absolutely and completely love every curve, every peak and valley, every sensitive spot on her body. You should treat her mind the same way. This does not mean you should place every woman you meet on a pedestal; quite the contrary. A woman has to earn that kind of admiration. This works in conjunction with you learning how to love women.
When it’s all said and done, women want to be loved, needed, and desired . . . but not when you first meet them. Then it’s just creepy. Of course, you’ll desire them when you first meet, but there is no emotional or logical reason to love or need them immediately. Thus, the dynamic changes from initial meeting to long-term relationship.
Let me add one other detail right here. When my wife and I started dating, she was a virgin. Yes, I took her virginity. So, another caveat about the swinging was that I knew she was curious about how another guy would feel inside her. That’s human nature. I wanted to quench that curiosity.
I know, I know, I can hear it now:
“But weren’t you afraid some other man would be better than you?”
Haha . . . that would be a . . . no.
Let’s just say I know what I can do, and I know what other guys don’t do. Note: I picked “can” and “don’t” specifically. I’ll let you think about that one on your own.
One other thing I need to state up front. Before anyone else says it, I will. I’m the biggest asshole, jerk, and pig you’ll ever know. I’m also passionate, driven, and loving. Though you may not get the impression from this book, my ultimate desire is to share my life with that one special person: that amazing, non-selfish, sexy, loving partner that completes me. Despite looking like a playboy, I’m actually human, even if it seems hidden.
Onward we roll. (That means, next page, come on, you can do it.)
“You are now husband and wife. You may kiss your bride," the minister said to Jeff, my new husband. My mind was numb as I heard the words. I had a smile plastered on my face.
Why am I doing this? I’ve lived a life of lies. I know this fits right in. But still, why am I doing this? This is not who I wanted to be kissing while wearing a wedding dress.
Cut the scene.
Let’s go back a few years to see how I got here. In fact, I will let you hear it from the one who truly knows me better than anyone. The one I should have been marrying.
Woe and Monica are both available on smashwords for only .99 now! Buy, read, and enjoy!