“This game is won or lost before you ever step out your front door.” That’s what I tell every single guy I work with.
Why is this? Because it’s all in your head. Period. It’s your mindset. It’s how you think about yourself, and what value you place on yourself in this world.
That’s the starting point. From there, you get to how others perceive you and feel about you, but that comes as a direct result of how you think about yourself.
“I thought it was all about confidence,” you say.
Yes, and that confidence comes from how you think about yourself. You have to know who you are. You have to know your strengths and weaknesses. You have to be willing to accept your weaknesses. Not “accept” in the sense of never improving them, but in the sense of not running from them. Listen, we all have weaknesses, just as we all have strengths. You’ve got to be honest about both sides of yourself, with yourself.
Being confident does not mean being invincible.
Girls pick up on your honesty about yourself and how “real” you are. They call it your vibe. Maybe you’ve heard of it.
Whether I walk into a club, bookstore, grocery store, or any other venue, I will draw attention if I choose to walk in with confidence. This is a dynamic most guys don’t understand. Believe me, though, all girls understand it. They look for those guys that walk with an air of confidence. It’s such a rare thing, and that’s why it’s so damn attractive.
This confidence is something I can feel inside me. It’s something that radiates from me.
I’ve had girls who have known me for a while watch me with other girls and say, “You were good when you met me, but now you’re just so natural. You can get any group to take you in like they’ve always known you, even if they’ve never met you.”
I’ve had bouncers, regular patrons of clubs, and people in daily life talk about what sets me apart from every other guy. I’m not the biggest or hottest, yet I draw the attention of the hottest girls. Without exception, they talk about my confidence. Even they can see and feel it.
I teach guys all the time that there is no magic pill. When you’re out, you are required to open up, to talk. You can start talking with guys or with girls, but you have to start talking, regardless.
So, you learn the art of being subtle. You take a quick glance at a girl you like, but don’t gawk at her. When you glance, you notice something you can comment on. She may be looking in disgust at someone or something. She may be wearing something interesting, in which case she’s obviously begging for someone to talk to her. She wants the attention, or she wouldn’t be wearing whatever interesting item that is. She may have a lost or lonely look on her face. Maybe she’s playing with a straw, a glass, a napkin, a ring, or something else. All of that screams that she’d like someone to talk to.
Sidebar: Females are subtle. They know all they need to know about you with such a quick glance you don’t even know they’ve looked. They see your confidence or lack of it, whether you spend a ton of money on your clothes or not (brand and style), whether you groom yourself and worry about your personal appearance (haircut, facial hair, fingernails clean), your posture, eye contact with others, the whiteness of your smile, and how comfortable you are with others. The male who can do the same thing has a definite advantage.
I’ve walked into venues and, without saying a word, passed by highly attractive females who watched me coming, slightly moved their bodies to be closer to the path I was walking, and smiled at me as I walked by. Without saying anything, they’ve noticed me come in. Their body language has shown there is a level of attraction on their part even if they haven’t consciously realized it.
Where does this attraction come from?
They can sense the confidence coming from me.
Notice, there is a huge difference between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is thinking, “I’m the shit. You can’t touch me. I do what I want, when I want, damn the rules. They don’t apply to me, period.”
Confidence is simply saying, “I know who I am. I know what my strengths and weaknesses are. I know what I have to offer to the right person. The question is, what does she have to offer me?”
Confidence is knowing what you can do and believing in yourself because you know you can do something. Confidence is being passionate about yourself and your life.